all the right choices
| <<-- : 06.12.04 : -->> |
8:22 p.m.it's been about a week since i went home for my brother's wedding. i had an amazing weekend. i got to see a lot of people that i've been missing a lot lately. i realized that i love long beach. i miss it. i came home depressed. i've been battling nostalgia like a motherfucker. i want to go back home. but i know once i'm there i'll wish i was here again. life is... okay. i've accomplished a lot here in SF and i love that. things will start looking up. i just need to keep my feet on the ground and my eyes focused on those goals.
in other news, my site is comin along pretty well. i've been workin on it little by little. i think i'm liking the way it's turning out. i just need to put more content on there. the photos page was just a cheap way to get something on there. but i have an idea for it... just a time-consuming idea that i haven't had time for. looks like i'll have plenty of time in the coming weeks before school.
work has been stressin me out a lot lately. it's hard to keep myself down from stressing out. all this non-stressing is stressing me out. i've been training a new girl on the espresso bar. she's a nice and wonderful person... she's happy and enthusiastic... and well, i'm not. so i've been biting my tongue, forcing that smile, and *trying* to keep my cool. calm, cool, and collected. i'm about 80% successful in that department. but i'm happy that she's doing great on the bar. it's really hard to show enthusiasm for work. a part of me is fighting the urge to appear nerdy or dorky, and another part of me is to become the best at what i do. if i'm gonna be at starbucks for awhile, i might as well make the best of it and exceed in what is expected of me. but there's that high school mentality floating around. if i appear too nerdy, i'll get bullied for it. and that pisses me off, combined with the stress, and i explode. i can't believe shit like this still exists. you'd think we've grown passed it.
oh well. fuck it. one day at a time. one thing at a time. i'll work through this. it's how it works. it's how it always has been. nothing has killed me yet. and i only grow stronger. i want to make the best of this city. i want to go back home eventually. but not now. going back to that familiar place where everyone knows me and is glad to see me, would be just the easy way out. instead, i should work on making my environment here just as it was back there. except make all the right choices this time. sounds easy enough, right?
i thought so.
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