conversations with anthony
| <<-- : 07.16.04 : -->> |
11:41 a.m.i'm a writer. so write.
and this is what i'm going to do. the best exercise a writer can do is just to write nonsensically until he is making sense. i really don't want to force an entry. but i want to force a writer out of me. so sometimes i need to give in to what i don't want to do in order to achieve this goal.
so last night, roommate/coworker robert and i went out to the lonestar for beer bust. i had bought some beer for the apartment and i was trying to get him to watch a little bit of buffy. buffy and beer seem to make a great combination. but of course, the drinking turned into a desire to go out.
i met this 24 year old skater kid who's dating a 39 year old bear. apparently, hardly anyone in this city dates others around their own age. a part of me would like to date someone my own age, but another part of me just loves the older guys. is it this vicious cycle that us gay boys live? when we're young, we date older guys so that when we're older, we can date younger ones?
another interesting sidenote: apparently most skater guys dig the bears. i was told that all his skater friends are into bears. he even knows two pro-skaters who are in the closet and they dig the bears more than any other type.
anyway, the guy was cute and he had introduced himself to me last time i was there. but before i could find him again to talk to him, he was gone. so this time i got to talk to him some more. i was actually kind of hitting on him. i think we made out once. i really need to watch my drinking. it took a lot of effort to keep myself looking like i was less drunk than i really was. nevertheless, it was fun. except, i really don't think these bear bars are the place for me. i only go there because it's a nice comfortable atmosphere. i'm really trying to not slut around. i want to focus on one guy at a time, and since most guys at these places that robert takes me to are into guys who i don't much resemble, i think it's a safe place to drink and have fun. but i do have these urges to go seek out those places where i can hook up.
but alas, i will just stick to what i know. just hanging out with robert is nice and fun. but one of these days i'll work my way back into the castro. i can only take so much of that place. it's fun for a little bit, but i don't exactly feel like i fit in there either. unless i'm there with someone specifically, it can be fun.
oh. here's a thought. what if i try and cut out the whole bar scene entirely? well, not entirely. but maybe i should focus on other fun things to do in this city. it's summer after all, and there's not much left of it. there's so much shit goin on right now. i need to get on it.
fuck. gotta go to work now.
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