motivated by anger
| <<-- : 07.02.03 : -->> |

8:39 a.m.

If we live our lives continually motivated by anger and hatred, even our physical health deteriorates.

-His Holiness the Dalai Lama

yesterday, i was angry. for some reason, i became angry and i started throwing things. i haven't been this way in awhile. i've been able to somewhat control my anger lately. of course i've been depressed here and there, but i've managed to pick myself up from it.

but the cable guy came yesterday, and he happens to always come when i'm home relaxing and not wanting to be bothered. my brother was suppose to be there to deal with him. i dealt with him last time, and all that's left is to pay the remaining balance. my brother is the one who handles that bill. i ended up having to help this guy out again. i had to cut him a check. it kind of made me mad since i don't usually have too much money in the bank, and i'd rather have my brother write the check, and me give him the cash. but since my brother was MIA, it had to be the other way around. so this guy promised me that we will get our cable back as soon as i write the check. but then he left saying that we won't until the check cleared. well, yeah, that makes obvious sense. but he said otherwise. and i got mad.

and you know, it wasn't about the cable bill at all. i just caved in to all that frustration and repressed anger of my recent circumstances. and i'm sure the heat and stuffiness in my house didn't help either. so i immediately felt sick. i broke down for a little bit, and then i took a shower. i felt a lot better and calm. i guess it's okay to get angry. but i haven't been really good about releasing my anger into some form of physical activity. i haven't been much active lately either. hopefully that will all change. there's a gym right across the street from where i live. and it might be more convenient for me, with or without a car, to switch over to that. i just like 24 hour fitness, but i guess i can't always have everything exactly how i want it. blah. i rambling. i guess i'll actually do some work.

2 days til my birthday. i think i will actually be excited once i figure out what to do.

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