bitter
| <<-- : 08.01.03 : -->> |
7:04 a.m.i got up on the wrong side again this morning. i wanted to sleep but i had to drop my mom off at work so i'd have her car today. she wanted breakfast, i just wanted to drop her off and head to work so i can possibly sleep at my desk. she was too early so she kept driving around. i didn't want to be there.
she rushed me out of bed and out into the car. i had at least few minutes, so i could've smoked a cigarette before the drive. she insisted that we leave. i was cranky, moody, half asleep, my arms hurt. should they be this sore? is this normal? the muscles around my elbows are swollen to the point where i can't straighten out my arms. they hurt now. i'm sure it will go away. but it's really cold in the morning and it's painful. did i strain something?
i just wanted to go and have a cigarette, but i think my mom wanted breakfast or coffee. i was being a dick. fuck. why do i get like this? why is my tolerance for annoyance so thin lately? was it the nicotine craving? or was it really me? my moods are defined by my smoking. this is not good.
i was driving around pissed off and moody, trying to think of who i can blame that wasn't me. i wanted to blame my dad for everything in my life being like this.
< bittersarcasm>
the fact that i owe a ton of money to my brother is my dad's fault. the fact that i don't have a car is my dad's fault. the fact that we live shitty lives and we're not good with money is because of my dad. the fact that i didn't play sports in high school or made good grades was because of him. the fact that i couldn't keep my last apartment and had to move back home and lose one of my favorite jobs had to be my dad's fault. because he left and screwed me up. of course it's not my fault. i'm innocent in all this.
< /bittersarcasm>
| <<-- : : -->> | top
cyclists - 04.06.07
reader update - 04.04.07
read me - 03.29.07
easter sunday - 03.26.07
shutdown day - 03.23.07