dlove and blue skies
| <<-- : 12.06.02 : -->> |
11:23 a.m.so this morning, i was sad. i mean really sad. for some reason, i decided to let the depression sink over me and drown me in sorrow. i let the anger and annoyances of everyone here at work bother me. i think i just wanted to feel emotion. not the normal, "i'm fine and happy," kind. but the kind that pricks you deep down. the kind that tells you that you're still alive. i didn't understand it at first. but it wasn't until now that i realized why.
i had just gotten back to my desk after my break, and i've been refusing to do work all morning. so i decided to read up on someone else's life. so i found this one diaryland diary, dlove, and just decided to start reading it. i kept reading and reading. it has pretty lengthy entries, but it kept my interest. it turns out this guy's an artist. i ended up checking out his artwork and his online portfolio. i looked at everything, trying to stay somber and bitter in my depression. i go back further in his entries, randomly picking which ones to read. i come across an entry about one of his best friends being gay. i loved it, i laughed. i read more... found some on his "dear dlove" entries. those were cool. it amazed me how people are living these full lives, doing so many things, meeting so many people with so many stories.
so anyway, i realized that my depression was dissapating and looked out my window, and...get this...the sky was blue. i mean really blue. well, except for that southern california layer of smog that sits on the horizon, but even that added to the effect. it was bright outside, the sun was shining. and this occurs to me: i can do whatever i want. of course, i'd have to wait until after work. but it's friday, and the weekend is upon me. i can do whatever i want. i might be going to san diego tonight or tomorrow and i'm going to have a kick ass fucking time. i'm going to spend time with my closest friends and we're going to have fun. and if we don't go. i can do something else. i don't know, i can go for a drive or something. pretend like i have money and shop, or pretend to shop. i don't need to be sad anymore. it can be tiring pretending to be happy. so it's a nice change of pace to just not. but, i can't let it drag me under.
so the real reason i let myself be depressed: i went out with matt and adam last night. i'm hungover.
| <<-- : : -->> | top
cyclists - 04.06.07
reader update - 04.04.07
read me - 03.29.07
easter sunday - 03.26.07
shutdown day - 03.23.07