born on the 4th of july
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8:59 a.m.remember that movie? i never saw it. oh well. i kinda wanted to because it had my birthday in the title. but at the time it came out, i wasn't interested in what it was about. which was? i don't know.
i also tend to like songs with the "4th of July" in the lyrics. just one of my things. like jason mraz's "the remedy" or that one song from train. mmm.. mraz in a bun. yum.
but you'd think that being born on the 4th of july would make me more patriotic. i'm not. i've tried, but i'm just not a patriotic person. and you'd think i would be more of an independent person. which i would want to be and i strive to be. but i keep fuckin up and i keep depending on other people to bail me out.
in my life, i've always felt that my birthday was the real new year for me. of course we have the gregorian new year's celebration every year. and we make those resolutions as being festive and traditional. but for me, the new year starts on july 4th. so that's when i try to make those resolutions. it's time for me to re-examine my life. think about the past year, and think about where i was then and where i am now. and decide where i want to be by my next birthday.
and so help me gods, i don't want to be here. i wasn't here last year, and i won't be here next year. last year was the beginning of the end. last summer, i started to lose control. i lost everything that i have worked for on a whim. thinking that i could handle it all. and it led me to move back home. and one thing led to another, and i'm here. which i'm grateful for everything in between. i know things happen for a reason and i've had some good times and some good lessons learned, or still being learned.
so i'm grateful. but i'd still like to be elsewhere by next year. and as for my resolutions, i will try to be a bit more patriotic, in the sense of voting. and i'm going to register and i'm going to get somewhat active. and as far as my independence, i'm working on it. so help me gods.
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