holiday
| <<-- : 01.01.05 : -->> |

8:17 p.m.

do i wish to talk about the holidays?

a sure sign of getting older is that they come and go in an instant. it seemed like i had all these plans and no time to really prepare for them.

i had fun.

it was nice to be back home and see everyone. i came out to my brother. i got to see family. i got to go to a gay club with my younger gay cousin. whom i still see as the little boy who arrived here from the phillipines not too long ago. but apparently, it must be awhile because he's all grown up.

the vibe with my family is strange. they're a lot of fun, don't get me wrong. but i feel like such an outsider. i don't feel like i know them anymore. i'm an outsider looking in. i'm not exactly sure if i want to continue going home regularly every three months. i think i'm going to make my trips a little more scarce. i'm sure there will be reasons. but forcing myself to go home and see everyone is a little tiring.

i have a life here now. and in this past year, i haven't really done much to take full advantage of this city. i think this past year was a nice transitional period of settling in. i went home often as sort of a way to say goodbye to that old life. something that i just realized when i was back there was that it's all different now.

and that's okay. because i'm different. i feel different anyway. and in my eyes, i can see the change. there's no need to go home and try to salvage a life that has long passed.

new year's eve was amazing. hot boys and good times. i got down with the disco after midnight and i was overjoyed. a hot bartender i like even hooked me up with a drink. it's funny too cuz i didn't even think i existed on his radar, but he noticed my absence and asked why i haven't been in there for awhile. my night was fun. flirting with batenders are fun too.

i'm looking forward to what's to come. i'm going to make big changes in my life. i kissed 2004 good night and i woke up next to 2005.*


*metaphorically speaking of course. because unfortunately i went to bed alone last night/this morning.

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cyclists - 04.06.07
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2006 by Anthony B. Riva
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