watch out nah! i'm in control!
| <<-- : 03.04.03 : -->> |
2:32 a.m.tonight was unbelievable. as soon as i got off work, i had to go to hamburger mary's to work again. and it was wierd. cuz i was really tired and remember i had gone to work early in the morning when i didn't need to be. and m...uh i mean the 13th letter of the alphabet had called me at 4am, so i had virtually no sleep. i got home, took a power nap for like fifteen minutes and i had to be at work again by 7. so i got there and i pretty much was stuck in the back doing dishes all night. it sucked major ass. i hate doing dishes. i hate working there doing what i do. but you know what? i don't care. because A) i need the cash and B)everyone there is fucking cool.
because i was training tonight, my boss, john, let me go early. he said that all i had to do was do clear out the soda fountain/coffee/iced tea area and i was done. it was barely midnight and tonight was the one year anniversary for the stripper night. yes. i work at a bar/restaurant with strippers on monday nights. and guess what my one day that is confirmed for now is. go on. guess. come on. guess. monday nights. you're smart. you're cool.
okay anyway. i have to warn you, but i am drunk right now. unbelievably fucking fantastically drunk right now. i feel good.
anyway.
so i get off work early and i want to have a beer. this cute guy that i work with has a friend who thinks i'm hot. he's totally this older guy (but fuckable) but thinks i wanna get with the cute guy. so the friend invites me to hang out with them the whole night. so i do. and i have fun. i'm getting drunk and i'm all over the cute guy. god, i can't believe how embarassing i am over this guy. i so wanted to go home with him, but he wouldn't let me. but we made plans for wednesday. so that's cool. we're gonna watch a movie. it's going to be fun. this will give me a chance to redeem myself from being known to him as a sloppy drunk. we did connect on some level.
but, can i tell you that my hormones were fucking raging! after my third (or was it fourth or fifth) beer, i was at the point where i would do ANYTHING to go home with him! i swear, i was being dumb. but i'm sure he disregarded my actions because of the alcohol. but he's cute. he talks with a lisp though. but he's so cute, that i think it's cute. normally, lisps are a complete turn off for me. seriously. i don't like them. but this guy is hot. and i want him in bed. totally.
we'll see.
not the point.
moving on.
we're hanging out on wednesday. he likes movies, i do, too. so we're watching a movie. it's going to be cool.
so, anyway. working at mary's is great. so far. but tonight was fun. i liked getting off work early and getting hooked up on beer. the fucking amazingly cute bar-back totally hooked me up. i don't think he was interested in me that way, but we totally exchanged smiles all night. he hooked me up with beer every time i gave him that smile. it was cool. cuz he's hot. but i know it was comradeship (which is correct, even though it doesn't sound right, i was writing comradery, but i looked it up, and it was wrong) that made him smile and made me feel completely warm and welcome there and gave me the free beer. he's so hot. oh my god. but moving on.
but aside from him. i was feeling pretty good there. i felt hot. i almost kissed a straight guy that works with me there. he was completely drunk out of his mind and everytime we talked, his mouth would press up against my cheek, and if i wanted to, i could have totally started making out with him. but i didn't. i stopped myself. he was hot, too. but i wasn't going there. i would not have wanted things to be weird when i would see him at work. but i hear that he probably would not have remembered anyway. oh well.
which brings me to my point! (yes. i have a point!) i almost lost it tonight! oh my god. yes. i would have lost my whole quest tonight. remember, my quest for meaningful sexual experiences. i caved in and called the fuck buddy. he didn't pick up the phone. because he wasn't alone. so, we never hooked up. thank god. i really don't want to ruin my little quest. i really want to stay true to this. even though, i had more than enough opportunities tonight to throw that all away, but i didn't. and that was enough to make me feel really good about myself. no amount of alcohol could ever do that for me.
so i'm pretty proud of myself. i know that i am hot. i know that now. i like feeling that way. and i hope i get to feel that more working there. because, my job sucks ass. but i'm going to reap the benefits like a mother fucker! oh yeah. free beer. boys leering. life is good
03.03.03. -- you did not let me down! you were a very magickal day indeed! thank you!
i know that if i take the attitude that i learned from this day and apply it to every day hereafter, i will be fine. i'm not worried. i know what it feels like to take control, and i love it! watch out nah! i'm in control!
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