rage boy
| <<-- : 01.22.03 : -->> |
9:08 a.m.so i don't want to jinx this or anything, but last night i talked to this guy, rage boy, for the second consecutive night. i met him at rage, hence the alias, in west hollywood (on alternative night, so don't beat me up for it), a few months ago. more like six months ago. wow. it has been awhile.
i remember dancing with my friend phi, and i saw him dancing across the way. i just thought he was so cute. he had on a baseball hat. i have a theory on that. for some reason, boys who wear their hats are cuter than when they don't wear them. i don't know why. but if i stroll into a club wearing my hat, i get hit on more than if i'm not. but anyway, i saw rage boy and i just thought he was so hot. he was down to a wife beater and his hat. he's tall with dark hair and a goatee. i remember pointing him out to phi and saying, "i want him."
mind you i was a little drunk at this point. but regardless, i knew what i wanted and i was going to get it.
so i went out for a cigarette and lo and behold, there he was. rage boy was talking to his friends outside. usually friends are intimidating. if i think someone's cute and i'd wanna talk to him, i would wait until he'd be alone or when the opportunity presented itself. but i didn't wait this time. i walked right up to him and i said, "hey, what's your name?" i told him that i thought he was cute and we started talking. i got to know his friends, and rage boy gave me his number.
after that night, we talked all week pretty much. i thought he was really cool. so we had this big date planned for that coming saturday. impatient that i am, i had invited him to come with us to tigerheat. i thought it would be cool to bring him along. it turned out that m and one of our friends came along. this was right after our little break and we were starting to be friends again. i didn't know they were gonna be there. they always say they were gonna go, but they never do. it was just weird and all with m and rage boy being there. i introduced them, and m was just acting distant all night. he and our friend ditched us. and of course where m goes, everyone follows.
it turned out that i wasn't completely over him, and i don't think i ever will. but i let it affect me, and i just drank myself into oblivion that night. i ditched the group with rage boy and just made out with him in a corner, begging him to take me home with him. i just didn't want to be there. but rage boy had work and he lived too far away for it to happen.
the next morning, i felt really bad for how i acted. i knew i wasn't ready to get into anything with anyone just yet. i wasn't over m. not enough to get into anything serious. it seemed like rage boy was a little possessive that night and we had only just met. i thought it was really cute though. i kinda like the feeling, of someone taking care of me. holding me, holding my hand. but until i dealt with this whole m thing finally and discard it totally, i wasn't able to develop anything with someone else. or maybe i was making excuses for myself. but regardless, i flaked on him for our saturday date.
so i called rage boy for the first time in six months on monday. even though he knew i flaked on him, he still was sweet and nice to me. he's going to call me tonight and i can't wait. i'm going to see my friend's band on friday night at Hedwig in LA. it turns out that rage boy is friend's with the guy who plays the hedwig there. and since it's their one year anniversary, it's gonna be this big party and he's gonna be there. so i'm looking forward to seeing him, and he promised to give me a big squishy hug. so i told him he better. and that gave me this strange tingly feeling in me that i haven't felt in a really long time. seriously, not since the few days i would talk to m on the phone. like a crazy little school girl. i was standing when i hung up the phone and i fell back onto my bad to soak in that feeling.
that's a good sign, right? am i really capable of feeling that warmth again? am i really capable of being in a real good-feeling relationship?
we'll see. if all goes well. i'll find out.
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