now and hereafter
| <<-- : 03.12.03 : -->> |
12:48 p.m.nostalgia's a bitch sometimes. right now, outside, the sun is shining bright and in the air i can smell spring. that tart smell of grass and trees cooking in the warm sun with a cool breeze just brushing against my face. it reminds me so much of the past two springs i spent living in long beach. and it reminds me of him. i closed my eyes and wished real hard i can go back. but i can't. i know that.
but up until that point, i was having a great day. i just don't know why i had to go back and live in the past, even for a moment. i can't afford to do that. so, i must think for the future. it's about now and hereafter, it's not about back then. that's the key to keeping me happy. so i'm going to think good thoughts. i'm going to imagine that it's possible to be that happy right here and right now and hereafter. the past is over. what's done is done. i can't go back and i never will. i have to accept that. no amount of wishing and hoping will bring the past back. i'll just have to save all that energy for hoping for my future happiness. and it will come. i will have similar or better experiences soon. i know it. i can feel it. and it feels good. ::this is where i smile::
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