roots
| <<-- : 08.15.03 : -->> |
10:26 a.m.so we're here in illinois. we arrived sometime yesterday at around noonish, california time. the flight wasn't that bad. we had a *layover* (not a layaway as i have previously said in my last entry, we didn't put clothes on hold for a later purchase or anything). and we got on the second flight, and that was a bit rough and there were some delays, but all in all it was a pretty quick trip. we got to town and we visited some relatives that i haven't seen in over five years. so it was cool to catch up a little.
the entire time my dad is talking. and he's talking about his ex wife, his deceased girlfriend and this and that. i'm coming to the realization that my dad is this whole other person. i'm coming to the realization that i never really knew my family out here. i just couldn't bear some of the things he was saying some of the things he believes in. like, how he sees fit a family should be (like he has any room for talk in that subject.) and how he sees his wife's behavior should be. granted, i think that his ex wife should be left alone and fuck up her own life and my dad shouldn't feel responsible for it, but the motivations behind his desire to help her is just wrong. he's putting them out of context. she screwed him over and sold alot of his things (including this antique guitar my dad was going to give me and the tools that my grandpa had left him.) and he's thinking about getting back with her?? what the FUCK? i think my dad thinks with his dick
sometimesalot. he's full of a lot of bullshit if you ask me. and it turns out that his girlfriend seemed like a really good woman for him. i was very sad that she passed away without us knowing her. she seemed like she would've been a fun, strong, independent minded woman. not the sad excuse for a mother that this other woman is. i feel sorry for her kid. he seems nice. but he has this mother who doesn't pay any attention to him and doesn't even seem like she wants him around and then he has my dad who's trying to be his father cuz he feels responsible for him being here. and it's just going to be tough. i know my dad will get back with that girl. and i wouldn't mind having a little brother. whatever though. it's not like i'm around much. i'm not gonna look too much into this anymore. it's not my problem.last night was fun though, i got to hang out with my brother, my dad, my aunt, and my dad's friends in this one bar. my dad is part of this group called the knights of columbus. it's this fraternity type group for catholic men. it was pretty scary. they seemed fun. but hardly approving of my lifestyle. so once again, i go back into the closet. yet, i still got piss drunk and i had a good time with my aunt.
i don't know what else lays for me here. i have this opportunity to discover my family roots. i head out to oklahoma tonight. i have to go. an error message popped up and i'm about to lose this entry. i'll have to finish this later or when i return. i'm hoping there will be internet access at my great grandma's house in gans.
| <<-- : : -->> | top
cyclists - 04.06.07
reader update - 04.04.07
read me - 03.29.07
easter sunday - 03.26.07
shutdown day - 03.23.07