time heals
| <<-- : 03.17.03 : -->> |

12:54 p.m.

first off, thank you to everyone who responded in my guestbook about my last entry. i know that outwardly i'm not ugly. i have issues to work with, i know. but it's hard. i just feel that way sometimes. it's mostly due to the pressures of being gay in los angeles and nearby. this place just hurts. we're all suppose to be movie stars and it's a tough standard to live by. i think i'm mostly just trying to displace the blame for the reasons why that certain somebody doesn't want me. i need to get over it. seriously. as someone once told me, "you can't just say your over something and be over it, feelings take time to heal." or something to that effect. so thank you! to everyone.

my weekend was sort of a nightmare for me. i think i need time to recover. so i took this day off from work. don't get me wrong, i had a blast. but the after-effects are kinda rough.

friday was cool. we saw pants optional, but we caught the last 10 minutes because we were late. i had a couple drinks but didn't want the night to end, so i went over to a couple friends house and drank till about 6 in the morning. i spent all day saturday in bed. i didn't even leave the house at all and i went to bed fairly early. so that was kind of a waste of a day. later that night, some bastard IMed me with this link. i haven't heard from him in awhile, so i thought he was trying to show me something. stupid me, i downloaded the file on the site that it asked me to, and it was a fucking virus. and then the bastard was like, "sorry, just remove the virus" and he put his away message on. so now i have this thing on my computer and i've been trying to remove it, being that i don't have an anti-virus program. i've been following instructions online and using this free virus scanner. i got most of it out, but it's a worm virus, and i don't know how much it will spread. so far, it's pretty stagnant. so i should be fine. i just need to invest a little in anti-virus software now. which is something i should've done a long time ago. i just don't want to have to restore my system and lose everything on here. i would be extremely depressed.

yesterday was interesting. i went to church for my god-daughter's baptism. it was the catholic baptism, so i'm not officially her god-parent yet. she's having a dedication in a couple weeks, and me and missa will be presenting her. she has to sets of god-parents. one for her catholic father's family and we're for the mother's baptist family. it's kind of weird, cuz i don't consider myself a part of either religion, but i'm very honored to be an important figure in her life. the six of us total are good friends and i think it's great that it came down to us to be a part of this baby's life. it kind of encourages me to be a better person to set an example for her. that being said, i got piss drunk after. it started out with jade and tine treating the two sets of godparents (tal, lindy, missa, and i) to dinner. we had loads of drinks and me and missa went back to her place to get more drunk. i called him. like a dumbass. and we go meet at broadway. i drink more and got more drunk. he leaves and doesn't say goodbye after not really talking to me at all the whole night. missa has to drive me home. i get home. i throw up. and now i feel physically and emotionally not well. a total product of my actions. why do i do this to myself? when will it end? i guess... in time. time heals. i guess it's just not time yet.

| <<-- : : -->> |
top


cyclists - 04.06.07
reader update - 04.04.07
read me - 03.29.07
easter sunday - 03.26.07
shutdown day - 03.23.07

� 2006 by Anthony B. Riva
All Rights Reserved.