fucked up banks and the ex-boyfriend
| <<-- : 02.14.03 : -->> |
7:20 p.m.god has a sick sense of humor. i think i'm officially cursed on valentine's day. on my way home from work, i had to stop by the ATM to get money out. it turns out that i'm still overdrawn 85 cents. no. wait. i just got my direct deposit this morning. i should have plenty of money in it. i tried it again. nothing. what the hell? i just paid my cell phone bill. there shouldn't be anything wrong.
it turns out the bank's computer system is all fucked up and it's giving out wrong information. so now i have no money, no gas, and no cigarettes.
jesse calls. he's at the bus station here in long beach. he had just gotten here from minnesota and he has no ride. i haven't seen him in over a year and a half. i think the last time i physically saw him was the day he left. so with what little gas i had, i picked him up and i brought him over to the house he's staying at. it was weird. it was just too weird. he's pretty much been this ghost of a person in my life this whole time. no wait, i did see him once last year... it was st. patrick's day. we had went to a club and all of a sudden my roomate and my friend were telling me that we had to leave. like right now. and i didn't know what was up. so they told me they saw him. i looked. and agreed. he had been sitting at the bar, of all places, with a boy holding his hand. that was like seeing the ghost for the first time. this time it was like having the ghost sitting in the passenger seat of your car.
so now jesse's in long beach. i don't know for how long. i don't know what that will mean. am i obligated to hang out with him? i kind of want to. i wouldn't mind it. but can i? i mean, am i strong enough? should i pretend that i'm okay now? that i'm not still hurt? i should be over it, right? it's been awhile. i should be fine.
i know still love him. i always will. i just don't think either of us are in a position to get back together. or i don't think we ever will. i wouldn't know if i'd be able to trust him or myself.
happy valentine's day, anthony.
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