moontribe
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11:05 a.m.we arrived late saturday night, early sunday morning, at around 1am. the drive up was intense. we thought we might have gotten lost, because the directions were a little bit unclear and didn't include any mileages. sometimes, we were on a road for 40 mins to an hour, and other roads were only a minute. we had driven through the indian reservation town and passed by 4 horses just walkin a long the road, a couple cows here and there, and a doe jaywalker. it was pretty unreal. once we arrived, it became surreal. the beat sounded through the entire campsite. it was amazing.
i didn't have any drugs with me, so i went sober. i had a couple beers that had been offered to me. but that was about it. i was offered weed among other things, but i knew if i did anything, i'd probably fall asleep.
the music was intense. it was dark when we arrived, and i could hardly see anything except neon lights, crazy outfits, and intoxicated hippies and ravers and hippie ravers. i don't know if it was because i was sober or one of the two people dressed in everyday clothes, but i didn't really feel like i belonged. i had a hard time trying to feel accepted. but that didn't keep me from dancing and having fun. i was invited by a friend so i spent most of the time with him and his friends. they made me feel welcomed. it was great.
i smoked a ton of cigarrettes. i hardly slept except for 20 minute naps here and there. i intended on going to sleep at some point before the sun rose. but in the middle of dancing, the dark skies lightened up and the sun shone behind the mountains. i had been up all night. and i was hardly tired.
the morning was spent with cracked out kids, half asleep half staring into space. i must've had a little contact high because even i felt a little cracked out. i kept double checking my reflection to make sure i didn't look as bad as i felt. not that it mattered any, i just wanted to make my mind realize that i was sober. this is the first rave-like event that i've ever intentionally went sober. well, i was offered E, but i didn't have any money for it. i could've done other things, but i wasn't mentally ready for that yet.
the music continued to thump through the day. occasionally i'd go across river to the dance area and dance. but the highlight of the entire trip was this amazing hike we went on. later on in the day, we trekked through rocks and cliffs to get to this amazing waterfall. it's been a long while since i last was on a hike. i loved every minute of it. i boulder hopped like it was nothing to me. i had all this energy that seemed to have been absent all night and all morning. but being out there, i somehow seemed to unintentionally invoke the spiritual energy of the reservation, of the people around us.
the first time i've ever felt welcomed was when we first walked onto the trail. people would pass us by, but this one guy was hugging and kissing people on the cheek as they passed us, myself included. and others on the way would smile and nod their heads or give hugs. it was a wonderful feeling, of complete strangers acknowledging your presence.
we get up to the waterfall, and aside from the shear beauty of it all, there were naked people everwhere! diving into the pools, sliding down rocks. i was climbing the face of this rock, and some guy fell down, almost knocking me down with him. but for some reason, my rockclimbing skills kicked in, and i refrained from kneeling against the rock. i held myself up. there was nothing i could do about the guy, but poor guy, he was fine. it wasn't that straight of an incline, and it wasn't that far down. he just fell over laughing.
i found myself a rock underneath the shade and in the middle of the stream, down by the end of the falls. i tried to meditate. i was successful for a little bit, but one thought led to another, and it all came back to self-reflection. to meditate is to lose the self. and i realized that all my thoughts led back to me. but i spent a good amount of time meditating and self reflection. i feel so rejuvinated.
i need to stop finding this need to be accepted. once i got rid of that, the rest of trip was amazing. i had first started out wanting to meet people, but i wanted to feel like i was wanted there first. i don't know why. it's dumb. it's almost a habit. but that's not how it works. i took the trip into my own hands and made it into something else. i was sober. i had hiked, regardless of the lack of sleep. i had danced. i had exchanged a few smiles, but it wasn't necessary. i didn't feel sexy. i didn't feel wanted. i didn't feel respected. but because i accepted myself into the situation, and because i made the most of it, i felt accepted.
i made a few friends. i got to finally hang out with people that have time and time again invited me to party with them, but because of differing schedules, i hadn't been able to. i've heard that moontribe events are very similar to burning man. so this was sort of a pre-BM experience for me. i kind of have an idea of what to expect. and if the dust was bothersome this weekend, i can't imagine how it would be out in black rock. so it was good that i got to feel dirty and showerless for 26 hours. i'll know how to better prepare for the week-long burning man event.
i feel really good today. i felt really good to come to work this morning. my mind is clearer, i feel somewhat spiritually in tuned. i'm a little bit closer to where i want to be now. hooray for spontaneity and random trips. i'm grateful for these random occurracnes in my life. without them, i don't know where i'd be.
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