nudge
| <<-- : 09.25.03 : -->> |
9:27 a.m.okay, someone just found this diary by searching for ipecac related deaths. i don't know how or why or what page they got to, but i thought it was interesting.
in other news, i went to the gym last night. it was ineteresting. on the drive up, we were listening to the debate. i can't believe how much it resembled reality t.v. candidates were attacking each other, if they had knifes, they would no doubt be at each other's throats. i was extremely entertained.
i still need to register to vote. i know, i know. i don't want to hear your shit. i've never really held any interest in politics until this year. i guess you can say, i'm growing up. i've realized that i do want to know what's going on in this world. and i should keep myself somewhat educated in these matters. so i'm taking an active role now. what more can i do?
there's just this weird sense of everything right now. weird energies going around. i just don't feel like i'm on the same page. i can't figure it. i'm trying to stay intuned, but i keep straying off on my own tangent. it seems like everyone's going through a rough patch right now. i'm finally coming out of one of my lows, and it seems like a lot of people are just entering theirs. the only thing i can do is be there and offer support. but i feel like i'm being brought down. i try and call friends, and they just aren't in the mood to talk. when it was the other way around, they would call me, and i wouldn't be in the mood. it seemed like i was always moody, and everyone else was in good standing. and now the tables are turned and i'm feeling much better, but everyone else seems to be elsewhere.
it got me thinking. i want everyone i care about to be happy. there's only so much i could do. but what if the simple fact of me not being happy will make everyone else happy. what if through some odd anomaly, my happiness is directly resulted in everyone else's sadness. as much as i wouldn't want to be brought down, i would gladly sacrifice my happiness for others. would that make me a martyr? a superstitious martyr at that.
but then again, i need to get off my superhero pedastool and stop trying to save the world. i need to save myself first. i can share what i know and what i'm learning and hope that it will help, but i can't really push others to be happy. they'd have to find it themselves. you can only nudge them to find the right way.
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