when people speak badly of you
| <<-- : 05.23.03 : -->> |
9:01 a.m.lately at work, i feel like i almost can't trust anyone. there are a couple people in my department who, at one point or another, have ratted me out for taking long breaks in the past. and recently, there was this one chick who i thought, with her loud mouth and demeanor, that she was at least on my side. she always seemed to have been looking out for me and making me feel comfortable. and she has told me that it was okay to take extra breaks whenever i needed to and that she would cover for me. she seemed like she was just making me feel comfortable.
well, since, the last times i was "talked to" by the previous supervisor about being late from a lunch break, i did my best to be on time in all respects. for the most part, i think i've done pretty well. my lunches went from 45min down to a lil under a half hour. my breaks have been 15mins on the dot or less. and i've been doing really well about coming in on time or earlier. (well, except for this one week, where every other day, i'd come in late from being out all night and still drunk in the morning. but that was my bad, and i wasn't hiding anything.)
a couple weeks ago, i had to go to the bank, and i almost never go to the bank during the day anymore because i have direct deposit. but this was a special trip, i needed to go cash a check for money that needed to for SF and for the liquid lunch for heather's last day. so, on my morning break, i asked that same chick if it was okay that she could cover for me a lil bit longer while i go to the bank. and enthusiatically said, "yeah, sure! that's fine!"
so i'm feelin good, cuz i have cash in my pocket and it was a nice day, and i got to drive around for twenty minutes. i come back to find out that she was all pissy because i took a long break. (and this wasn't any longer than is expected when i would go to the bank. because i've done this before, when i didn't have direct deposit, and the same chick was usually the one to cover for me.) so she ratted me out to my current supervisor. but, i was never talked to about it. so i don't think i got in trouble. but two people came up to me to tell me about it. how this chick was all pissy at the front desk, because i was gone. and it was as if she never knew where i was. or never knew that i was going to be gone longer than my 15min break.
what the fuck? what's up with that? i knew she was like this, but i thought we were cool. i thought, as long as i was honest and straight up with her, that she would be the same with me. and it seemed like that for the 7 months i've been working here.
apparently not.
anyway. the thought of someone else talking shit about me behind my back is still pretty foreign to me. i know it is done, but i choose to ignore it. or i choose to be in denial. i don't like it. but, there's nothing you can do about that. it happens. whether the other person has reason to or not. but it will happen, and such is the nature of humanity. if you can talk, might as well be about someone else, right? eh. no. but it seems like that lately, or maybe it's just the nature of the workplace. because, who the hell wants to hear about your boring life, right? (well, her boring life that is... haha. ehem.)
but, i have my fair share of my own shit-talkin that i do. it's wrong and i know that. so i try and keep it to a minimum. or if anything, i'll try and contain the content down to observations and less opinion. but that's just rationalizing, and i think it's best for me to just stay out of other people's business. if i really want to talk about someone, i should start with myself. but, there are good things to be said about others. and there are funny things to observe about others. but, it's just not generally kind to speak ill of others. (duh) but, what is alright? when is it okay? is it okay to talk "shit" about someone else if it's constructive and if it's with someone you can trust and confide in? if you have done all you can about this other person, and it's just a mere vent of frustration and concern? (it's not like this person is unaware of our concerns and that we are concerned, because we've talked about this many times with this person...... uh...if such person existed.)
my point being. i generally don't like to talk about someone with someone else if the topic of conversation isn't of mutual knowledge or mutual acquaintence. i'm sure i can elaborate more on that statement. but i think the further i go, is just rationalizing gossip. and gossip is just wrong and hurtful and unjust. people should have respect for one another. if everyone did that, gossip wouldn't be an issue.
When people speak badly of you, you should respond in this way: Keep a steady heart and don't reply with harsh words. Practice letting go of resentment and accepting that the other's hostility is the spur to your understanding. Be kind, adopt a generous standpoint, treat your enemy as a friend, and suffuse all your world with affectionate thoughts, far-reaching and widespread, limitless and free from hate. In this state you should try to remain.
-Dhammapada
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