stormy weather off the port bow
| <<-- : 06.10.03 : -->> |
2:08 p.m.i'm going through this major funk right now. i don't know what's up with me just yet. i think it's just the after effects of this weekend. i can't get myself to write about it yet. but i will later. sometime later. i'm not in a hurry. i know i want to, just not yet.
i got sucked into "test the nation" last night on fox. i took the IQ test. according to the show, i have an IQ of 112. slightly above average, but average nonetheless. i'm no genius. i really got into it though. it was fun. i've always wanted to know my IQ anyway.
i've been in this mood about what i'm going to do with my life. "where do i belong?" "what is my purpose?" "what does my future hold for me?" etc... i know i want to travel. i know i want to make money. and i know i'm young enough to do whatever i want right now and have enough time to continue anything else later on.
so get this.
are you ready?
i might be joining the navy.
i just found out this weekend, that linnell had joined. it seems like a great opportunity. there's nothing wrong with milking the government for what it's worth. plus, i'll be in better shape physically and mentally. and financially, everything will fall into place. i can get a great education with the money they'll give me, and i'll buy some time to get out of debt. plus i get to travel. i get to see the world. my dad did it. and i can always turn to him before i make the final decision. i'm seriously thinking about this. i didn't want to say anything to anyone. i just wanted to do this and get it over with. i might back out, and i really need to follow through on something.
i text messaged linnell about this. i told him that i didn't want him to tell anyone. but i wanted him to know since he's already on his way. maybe he can help me out somehow. he texted back, "i know, i'm scared, too. why don't you want anyone to know?"
i said, "because i really want to follow through on something and i know if i talk about this too much, i might back out."
and then he goes, "well at least we're not gonna die."
and then i text back, "haha. and also my dad was in the navy, and somehow i can look for support from him."
and then i get another text message from him, "who is this?"
i'm like, "who do think this is? this is anthony, isn't this linnell?"
he goes, "no, sorry, this isn't"
and then nothing.
wtf?? i realized that i've been texting with linnell's old cell number. but how weird is that? his number got assigned to someone else who's joining the navy.
anyway, i texted linnell's current number, and i'm just waiting to hear from him. but i think i'm seriously considering doing this. i need a change. i need to do something with myself.
the last thing i ever wanted to do was to work for the government. but this might be different. this might be what i needed all along. this might actually be what i've really wanted. subconsciously, i've been fucking up everything i got down here. probably, making room for me to leave. as if i've been preparing for this for the past five years. i knew i wasn't ready in high school when i was very close to joining the marines, but now i think i am. but not the marines, the navy. if i work hard and i apply myself, i can make something out of myself. i think i just might do this.
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