the delusions that they are
| <<-- : 03.24.03 : -->> |
8:55 a.m.It is not that anger and desire are inherently evil or that we should feel ashamed when they arise. It is a matter of seeing them as the delusions that they are: distorted conceptions that paint a false picture of reality. They are negative because they lead to unhappiness and confusion.
-Kathleen McDonald, "How to Meditate"
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two things i'm grateful for:
1. connecting even more with my "cousin" lorraine and being invited to move with her and her bf to frisco -- which i'm seriously considering. it's always been a dream to move up there, but i never got around to it. i was really close to moving up there with this guy that i liked, but that was a disaster waiting to happen. he was still in love with his ex and there was no way that i could move up there in a platonic relationship with him. feelings existed, and i didn't want to be put into a new living situation with that. so i backed out. now i have this new opportunity with friends i love, and it would be a great experience to live with them. i just don't know when i will/can make the move.
2. partying with your close friends on a sugar-high - on saturday, it was missa's mom's 60th birthday party. it was this big deal with her family and we had a surprise party at this nice restaurant. rosie, tine, and jade met up with us there. and we had dinner. it was fun, but i think the servers didn't believe that we were of age to drink or something, or maybe the restaurant is really cheap on their drinks, because no matter how much we would drink, we couldn't get drunk. a lil buzz here and there, but not really drunk. there must've been something in the food, or maybe just all the sugar from the margaritas, but we were all giddy that night. rosie just kept doing some of the funniest things, cuz that's just how she is. when she gets frustrated, it's like this little girl throwing a lil fit. we could not stop laughing. at one point, i laughed so hard, my cheeks were hurting, my sides were hurting, and i couldn't laugh harder, but i kept trying. it's times like those that make me the happiest in my life. no amount of love in a romantic relationship can ever make me feel that good. it's good times with friends that make me. and i just wish i could remember that more often whenever get all obsessive over someone. we reminisced about everything. all of our past raver days to our random "E" parties. about times when we just did stupid sober stuff. it wasn't about the alcohol or the drugs. that night was about good times and remembering them.
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so friday night, i ended up going out with tine, jade, and missa to o'sushi. it was fun, we just went for a couple drinks. we drank ghetto style in the van, cuz we were pretty poor. missa ended buying me a couple beers. and jade ended up buying me a couple more. on top of that, i bought a couple. i only spent like $10 that night, but i got incredibly fucked up. the highlights of the night was tine being already faded when we got inside. i don't think i've ever really noticed that because i'm usually fucked up already. but i wasn't drinking too much in the van cuz i was still kinda sick. so i was sober watching her sway in her chair. it was just unlike her for some reason, but i guess not. i just don't observe too much when i'm drunk. and then she started goin off on jade about grabbing her wrist or something, but she was the one all hitting on him and stuff. i don't know, it was weird. she was just going all crazy. it was pretty funny. i don't think it was anything serious. we were just crazy drunk people. that's all.
i ended up getting sick that night, almost close to throwing up. but i just waved goodbye and ran inside. i woke up the next morning dehydrated as fuck and with a piercing headache. but i had to get up early cuz i had an appointment to get my hair cut. i got up nice and early and after i got my haircut, i felt so much better. the way he fixed it, it was cool. and i liked it. but now, after this morning, i couldn't fix it or i didn't have the patience for it. i think i'm going to go back and get it cut all off. i don't know. we'll see.
but then right after, i picked up missa and "cousin" lorraine, and we headed out to set up for the party. then after the party, we went back to lorraine's house and drank more. reminisced more. laughed more. played with the helium in the balloons from the party. laughed even more. we went for drinks at cliff's, a bar, to finish the night off. me and rosie were kickin ass in the erotic photo hunt on the megatouch.
i spent all day yesterday in bed. i didn't want to go out or anywhere. so i just stayed home. i even had my away message on my buddylist. i couldn't even talk to anyone online. i tried to update this thing, but had no motivation whatsoever to do so. i read like one diary. i didn't even read the rest. i finally did my laundry though! finally! i've been meaning to do that all weekend.
so... here i am at work. contemplating ways to make the move to frisco work.
oh... and i got pictures from vegas finally! i need to get them scanned so i can post them. i'll have to do that. i think missa left hers in my car. maybe i'll run down and get asha to scan them for me. we'll see.
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and thanks guys for signing my guestbook on my last entry on evolution and creationism. you both have been helpful and insightful. i'm going to look into it. i've had some interesting discussions all weekend with my friends. and i have found that everyone has their own opinion on that subject.
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in other news! i almost forgot, my dad finally replied to my email. he's going to send me money to cover my car insurance. that's a huge relief for me! i'm so happy about that. now i just gotta figure out a way to buy some time to catch up on my car payments. but sending me the money for my insurance totally helps out and takes half the load off me. i'm sure it'll all work out. i just need to figure something out. i'm going to try and get into outbound today. try to make commission on selling science camps. i just hate telemarketing and i hope i can do it.
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