robbie
| <<-- : 03.06.03 : -->> |
3:11 p.m.so there's this boy i really liked. i still think about him from time to time. i think the best date that i've ever been on was with him.
we didn't have any money, but we wanted to hang out. i had these movies that i rented and didn't get to watch yet and he had some uncooked chicken at home. so what we picked up the chicken from his house and brought it over to my apartment to cook and watch those movies.
he's this really cute guy from arkansas, kind of shorter than me and has the cutest accent ever. he's probably the nicest guy ever and so thoughtful and caring. i really liked him a lot. the problem was, he's positive. as in HIV positive. at first, i didn't let it get to me. i don't care about those things. it doesn't change who he is. it just means i have to be extra careful. he had just found out last year, and at this point, it was only a couple months after he found out when we dated. i can't really say that we dated, because we only went on two dates, about a month in between.
one thing led to another, and when the second movie started, we started making out. and he has the cutest lips ever. we moved it over to the bed and stripped down. we didn't have intercourse, but we blew each other. spent a lot of time tasting each other. we were pretty sweaty. afterwards, i spent a considerate amount of time in his arms. it was nice. very nice.
until i freaked out. after he left of course. but i kept thinking, very ignorantly, how i might be infected. i didn't know. i didn't do my research. all that sweat and spit. going down on him. sweat. spit. fluids. virus. i didn't know what to do. i looked it up in a book the next day at work. i picked up a random biology book. there's no conclusive evidence to say that you can get infected by oral sex and kissing. but there's a chance. a chance. a chance is all it takes. one tiny unimaginable moment could affect me for the rest of my life.
i couldn't see him anymore. i couldn't take that risk. not now. i care for him. i like him. and i don't want to see him hurt. i don't want to get hurt.
that day, we meet for lunch. as i left, he tried to kiss me. but i dodged it. it hurt so much. i hate that i did that to him. why did i freak? why did i do that? it's not fair to him. it was so wrong of me to do that. we just shared a very special intimate moment the day before, and then i did that.
i called him today, just to catch up and see how he's doing. i left a message, but i hope he calls back. last time i talked to him, he was dating someone. we're still friends, but i still hope for the best for him. he deserves it. so much crap happened to him. he had broken up with his boyfriend, only to find out he infected him with this virus, and then he lost his job. but i hear that he's doing better now. he's dating someone seriously and about to move in with him. i knew he was going to school, so i hope things are good with that.
he's really sweet, and he deserves so much more. i just wish i could've been able to help somehow.
| <<-- : : -->> | top
cyclists - 04.06.07
reader update - 04.04.07
read me - 03.29.07
easter sunday - 03.26.07
shutdown day - 03.23.07