running out of everything
| <<-- : 04.29.03 : -->> |
9:00 a.m.the good news is that i got my car fixed. no more scraping metal sound. the brakes are fine. it's like i have new car again.
the bad news is, i'm broke. i won't have any money in my account on friday to make that last payment i need to catch up. i really don't know what to do anymore. i've partied all my money away. and i had to spend the little money i had left in my account to get my brakes fixed. now i'm negative, and this next paycheck won't cover it.
whatever happens, will happen. if it's suppose to be this way, then it will happen. it's not the end of the world.
i'm just tired of taking shit from everyone. everyone's pretty upset with me. yesterday, my brother had to pick me up from the service shop. he was laying down everything for me. telling me how it is. but it's so bad now, that he was being nice about it. the condescending niceness. my irresponsibily has gotten so bad that he's use to it and no longer feels that showing his anger will fix me. and the same is with my mom. they seem so fed up with my shit that they no longer feel the need to yell at me. they just shake their head in disgust. i'm such a disappointment to them. it just seems lately that my character is being attacked by everyone. and they have reason to. what's worse? messing up and not seeing it. or messing up and being aware of it and coninuing to mess up repeatedly? the latter denotes stupidity and foolishness.
it seems like all this learning is pointless. i keep falling down the same holes and this "enlightened" path is dark. i keep tripping over the same stones.
i know my brother has the best intentions for me and he cares about me. and i know he wants to help me out. but he wants to help me budget my money. he wants me to give him $150 a paycheck so he can help me pay my bills. and that's fine. that sounds like a great deal, but with the wedding coming up and san francisco next month, i don't know how it's all possible. i think i just don't want to give up anything. i'm going to san francisco and i'm going to vegas, even if it breaks me. these are two things that cannot be compromised. everything else is expendable. these are two very important events that my stubborn ass isn't going to let go.
i just need to find a way. i need to make this work. and i will. i'm running out of time. i'm running out of money. i can't be rescued anymore. it's time to save myself.
| <<-- : : -->> | top
cyclists - 04.06.07
reader update - 04.04.07
read me - 03.29.07
easter sunday - 03.26.07
shutdown day - 03.23.07