tomorrow
| <<-- : 09.21.03 : -->> |
7:12 p.m.i'm lovin san francisco.
i got to hang out a coffeeshop, sip on some iced chai and read. one of my dreams, fulfilled. sometimes, it doesn't take much to make me happy.
i got to hang out with my good friend. we had some interesting discussions. i take what he has to say to heart. and hearing what i already know motivates me to do what needs to be done.
why can't i take initiative for my own self and do things before they become an issue? i'm not stupid. yet my actions cause me to appear that way.
i'm so fucking quiet and shy, it's frustrating. i strive to be loud and obnoxious. but i'm just too polite. i feel like i'm trapped inside my own head and i have all these thoughts and opinions that are screaming to get out. i've always hated it when people said that about me. because i've felt it wasn't true. but you know what? it is. and i'm noticing it more and more these days. the only times i can recall where i was the "life of the party" was when i was drunk. i don't want that the only way for me to be social. i don't need to be drunk to have fun. so why is it always that way?
mental note: decrease the need for alcohol. enjoy life anyway. then drink. don't drink to enjoy.
once i return home, i'm going to take initiative for my big move to SF. it's time to start anew. events are shifting. a big change is coming. this is the time, if any, to do this. being here has been magical. i've noticed many tiny things that made me smile. certain songs would play, and i'd look to find certain words would coincide with my surroundings. those little things that make you feel that you're where you're suppose to be. i don't really know how to explain it, but it just feels right. and i haven't felt this way in a long time.
it's time to be responsible. it's time to think about my actions. not analyze the past. but think about the present. this moment, now. think about what i must do. think about what i am doing.
i have dreams. i have goals. why have i abandoned them?
i travel to escape. when i could be at a place where i won't want to escape. why haven't i been working toward this? so much time gone. so little accomplished.
things must be done. and they will start tomorrow.
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