when something happens that i want to happen that happens too fast
| <<-- : 03.05.03 : -->> |
12:41 p.m.i'm completely torn about the hamburger mary's job. i really want to just say that i can't do it when my boss calls me today. but another part of me knows that it would be good for my wallet and good for me to be out there again. in a gay establishment. i long to meet people, and i miss having that opportunity when i lived out in long beach.
but the more i think about it, the more work it seems for me. i'd have a lot less time to do anything. i won't be able to go out on friday nights. but what's the point of being free to go out when you can't afford it?
but, i don't know if i'm ready to give up my free time so easily. the decision to "beg" for this job was a little rash and out of a drunken haze. although i intended on doing this for awhile now. it was just the opportunity presented itself while i was out partying over there anyway. so i thought i'd take care of it right then and there. and then two days later, i'm already starting. so it's kinda happening all too fast. and i think i'm just reacting how i always react when things move to fast. i get this deep impulse to flee the scene. it scares me. there has to be a catch, beside the obvious ones. there has to be this devastating event that awaits me when something happens that i want to happen that happens too fast. i'm going to be screwed somehow and i don't want to take the risk of something great for me.
i'm torn. can i really hang with two jobs? will it really help my financial situation? or does it mean i'm going to just spend even more money and fall deeper into debt?
i have about five hours left before i decide.
scary.
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