miscalculated
| <<-- : 06.20.03 : -->> |
8:44 a.m.so i'm extremely poor right now. i was suppose to have some money leftover in my bank account after my direct deposit. enough to sustain me for the week until the next one. but it turns out that i miscalculated, as i have noticed it to be a trend, and i'm still overdrawn. no worries though. i'll be fine. i was a little insane with worry last night, though. but i woke up okay. my mom owe's me some money, which in actuality she doesn't because of the numerous times i've borrowed money from her in my adult life. but she says she'll give me money tonight. damn. i wish i didn't have to do this. but i'm a survivor, and i'm going to make it through. (if someone busts out destiny's child right now, i will seriously crap my pants out of fear and disgust.)
but it's true. i will survive. (no gloria gaynor, please.) joy and a girl from my work are going to girl bar in weho tonight. i was suppose to tag along with them. but i don't know if i'll be able to go now. i really want to go, i haven't been out to a bar in awhile, and partying with lesbians is always fun. but the money i get tonight would be enough for tonight only, and joy's birthday is on sunday. she's having brunch at this indian food place in long beach, and i think i'd rather go to that. i've been missing everybody's birthday things this year. and i shouldn't miss this. then, everyone would really think i'm avoiding them. when i'm half-not. joy's been a good friend, and i should be there. she's invited me to almost everyone one of their "things." and i've turned down 99% of them. i don't know how much longer will they keep inviting me if i'm always unavailable.
so i might stay home tonight, wait for joe to call, and read. or i might go out. depending on whether i can sell stuff or not. does anyone in the so cal area know where you can sell CD's? i heard the wherehouse is going out of business (or went) and isn't buying CD's anymore. i need cash now. but i've lived off of less before. i'll be fine.
i've been constantly wavering back and forth between these emotions. i'm fine one minute. i'm not. i'm happy. i'm sad. i'm okay. no i'm not. i'll be fine. no i won't. money doesn't matter. yes it does. all i need is love. fuck love. ahhhh! decide, already!
| <<-- : : -->> | top
cyclists - 04.06.07
reader update - 04.04.07
read me - 03.29.07
easter sunday - 03.26.07
shutdown day - 03.23.07